Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I was attacked on sunday!

coming out of church on sunday i was attacked by my old nemesis that I thought I'd never see again. He jumped me from behind and took hold of my airways making breathing a struggle. the worst part about my attacker is that no one else can see him and yet he makes me embarrass myself in public. I had to wrestle with him to keep control through my HOME teaching and then ward choir where things could really have gone awry if he got the better of me.
If you haven't guessed this fiendish foe of mine happens to be the hiccups and i take it very seriously! The last major case i had was in the MTC choir rehearsal and I'm pretty sure every one in that 360+ choir heard me as it escaped. The biggest problems with hiccups during choir is that as your trying your hardest to project and sing out loud the hiccup gets amplified and there is no stopping it.
I guess they weren't so bad this time even though i did fight it all day. The hardest part was having Kylee next to me the whole time not sympathizing with my dyer circumstances. Apparently it was quite comical and hard to resist the urge to imitate.
fortunately i was able to subdue the attack by bed time and haven't seen them since. We can only hope that this doesn't happen again, but you never can tell with these invisible attackers.

Jacob, the Victim

Monday, September 27, 2010

read me! read me!

need a good book?   then you should most definitely read these....


i think  'Dear George Clooney Please Marry My Mom' and
 ' The Wednesday Wars' are AMAZING! they are highly entertaining, the characters and story pretty much rock! so read them :) it will greatly improve your state of mind after all that textbook junk you've had to process the past few weeks.


Friday, September 10, 2010

Bikes, a reason to re-invent the wheel.

Since the dawn of time man has always wanted to go faster than his two feet could carry him. this was why he invented the horse and the wheel. for obvious reasons the wheel was more economic than the horse due to the fact that you don't have to feed a wheel and even if you only have one wheel you can make more, while it takes two horses to make another one.
now at the peak of our mental evolution man has come to a stand still. there is one issue that must be solved and no one seems to have the answer. how to stop flat tires on a bike. please raise your hand if you stopped riding your bike as a kid because you got a flat. bikes don't break because a of a flat tires, so why did we give it up for a minor set back? It is because Dad never had time to fix it for us. but lets not blame Dad, he's not to blame. It's your neighbor who let the goat head weeds grow in his yard!
i want to invent the indestructible bike tire and save humanity from this evolutionary stumbling block. Then and only then can we move on to greater mysteries and sciences e.g. how to make healthy cookie dough, what happened to the remote, and how to finally figure out what women want( this is an ongoing study that seems interminable since as of yet no woman has discovered this them self.)

Jake, top gear on my way home.

Thursday, September 2, 2010

The Thumb Twidler

The worst part about growing up is that you learn the true meaning of boredom. kids are bored for fifteen minutes and move on. Grown ups get bored for days at a time. It's not that I'm not doing things. I cook, wash the dishes, clean the house, and all of my chores. It's not about having things to do, Grown up boredom is from not progressing or being productive.
The only cure for this boredom is getting into a big project or getting a job. projects is the answer for those who own are already employed and are still bored. Getting a job I thought would cure this boredom for me but that turns out to be a full time job in and of itself. There is just something about not working Sundays that makes employers say "NO!" though i have no idea why.
I just got back from my second offer in three months and it doesn't look hopeful. In our advanced society it is now impossible to get a job without two years retail experience, being fluent in Windows Exel, and knowing the entire dealings and infrastructure of the company before even applying for the job.
As soon as I get a job then i can concentrate on being bored and looking for a project. Then again I can just put that off till retirement. For now I'd settle for a job. I promise I'll even keep up on my chores. speaking of which its time do do the laundry.
~Jake, (Desperate househusband)