keeping carp in the bedroom

In the lonely hours that my best friend isn't home it gets to be um... Lonely. I thought that cooking would make me happy cause it tastes so good and the truth is that cooking makes you fat. Yes cooking is why it is so hard to keep weight off. No one gets mad at the cook for taking more than his helping in the kitchen, He's only "testing" it. So now I'm lonely and i feel guilty that I have tummy. While i know the solution to a gut is working out and eating less, I think i have found a monumental fix-it for the loneliness situation.
GOLDFISH! Keeping fish in general is fun but Goldfish are the Kings of the pet fish world. I'll admit we tried some other fish before. In total they cost more than a hot and ready pizza, which is the standard for living cheap and frugal(even than though you like brickoven or pizzahut, if its more than five dollars for a large pepperoni you have to say no). These fish all died in sequential order of seniority and ended with the cute little crab.
Having an empty two-gallon aquarium was not an option so we went back to petsmart and found the poor man's pet... The Goldfish! Now i know what you are all thinking, especially my Dad who happily cares for an amazing seascape in his office. You are all saying, "Well duh i can get one of those at a carnival and it will die in a week, and even if it lives its a dirty fish." YES, you can get it at a carnival! That's because it's so insanely cheap to buy. I mean at $0.13 a head i can buy a whole pond of them before i even get close to the $5 large pizza scale.
The truth is the common Goldfish is one of the most amazing and historical fish in the entire pet shop. You cannot even imagine how much the goldfish family has been through. All the way back in the 7th century the Chinese took a big, brown, and ugly carp( yes that is correct, a carp. That slimy thing you play whack-a-mole with on the docks of Lake Powell) and bred them to have the bright shiny golden colors. And here's the cool part, they can get to be as big as 16" and they will eat table scraps just like a dog(in smaller helpings).
Our new room mates are called Flo and Spock. Flow is a Comet Goldfish(they have longer tails) and Spock is just a Common Goldfish with gold and white patches. Kylee likes talking to Spock who stares at her through the glass and mouths things back to her. Personally I don't think he has anything interesting to say.

Flo just likes to dance around the bubble volcano and show off her long fins.

As soon as we own our own home I am going to make them a pond in the back yard. and here's the cool part... Dogs and cats only live to be about 15-18 years old, leaving you to try and explain to the kids what happened to fluffy and scratch. Goldfish will long out live dags and cats. One Goldfish that just died in England was 44 years old. And if anyone has heard of the Goldfish's cousin the Koi, they live to be much older. one was scientifically proven to be 227 years old when he died. He outlived two of his owners and was on his third when he kicked the fish bucket.
BUY A GOLDFISH AND MAKE YOUR LIFE HAPPIER!

~Jake, i want a bigger tank!